Wednesday, 9 September 2015

Not Quite A Baby-Not Quite A Toddler... (You know you're a parent of...)

Your day starts so early that if you leave the house any later than 11am you feel as though the day is wasted. Never did you forsee the day you'd be standing at the Zoo for 10.30am (and ready for lunch)

Your most used words are 'NO' and 'Caaaareful!' and you find yourself repeating these on a loop from the minute your little one wakes up and headbutts the cot, to bedtime when he/she  makes a well executed dive off your bed during a story.

Talking of bedtime stories, there will be one particular book they become attached to. You could probably read the book word for word blindfolded thanks to your little one requesting it read 1374 times a day. Choose books wisely.

You ditch the baby bag more and more and your handbag has suffered the consequences. Plastic toys, books and half eaten packets of mini cheddars? There is a reason you never go near a woman's handbag-and this is it. 

Your living room is stripped back to the bare essentials. Everything is a potential toy in your child's eyes. Hell, you're even considering getting rid of the curtains. No matter how much money you've given to Vtech, Brightstarts and Fisher-Price, every day house hold items will be far more entertaining - whether that be pots, pans or a tube of tomato puree.

You soon realise that your little one is very much the one in control. You want to bath me later on? In a rush to leave the house? Hold on while I drag half a banana through my hair! Baby:1 Mum: 0

You used to find it 'stressful' trying to shower when your little one was completely immobile and sat happily in their bouncer cooing away. These days you're chasing after a little tiny human who's got loose with the toilet roll and making a beeline for the toilet duck. Tiring as it may be, you still stop to take a quick snap of your own little Andrex puppy to send to the grandparents (and everyone on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter) 

You are adamant that your own child is a complete comedy genius.

...And when it comes to entertaining them, if you manage to make them laugh you will repeat the word a thousand times over in an array of high pitched voices until they give you a puzzled 'Really, mum?' look. Nothing is better than hearing your little one chuckle.

The first thing you do when you eat out is move everything that is a potential problem to the far side of the table (knives, forks, glasses, condiments, napkins - everything then.) By the time the waitress reaches your table with menus it looks like you've already ate and ready to pay the bill.

You're secretly dying to correct the friend/family member when they call a fictional television character by the wrong name. Makka Pakka? No No No. I think you'll find that's Iggle Piggle.

...And talking of Children's television, your little one will most likely be drawn to the most annoying show with the most ridiculously catchy theme tune which you will undoubtedly find yourself singing, everywhere.

The shower, around the house. Work.

You burst  with pride over the silliest of things. I had tears in my eyes when my daughter wore slippers for the first time. SLIPPERS.

...and you question whether your hormones really have settled down as you still find yourself crying over everything. The news, tv adverts, animal videos..........

Any kind of 'bad behaviour' will be blamed on teething (whether they're teething or not..) 

You have one extremely strong arm from carrying your little one, and an impressive muscle to show for it. Who needs a gym membership?!

You spend an hour tidying downstairs only for it to look no different whatsoever. You  can only imagine how it would look if you hadn't of bothered at all.

You find yourself browsing online for potential Christmas/Birthday presents despite it being months away and  the chances are that your little one will get an 'early Birthday present' as mummy is frankly shit at keeping surprises."I just wanted to see her little face!"

A dull, rainy day is the ultimate enemy. A whole day indoors with a mobile infant is a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off.

You still take photos of your little one at every opportunity and you're still useless at getting them printed.

And even after all this time you still catch yourself watching your little one sleep and wondering how you created something so perfect.



  1. Ha ha bang on. So glad I just found you on Bloglovin I can keep up with your posts better now - love your blog! 😊👍🏻


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