Tuesday, 30 June 2015

You Know You're A Parent When..

You participate in a fair bit of baby dumping. Y'know, that ol' classic, 'Can you hold the baby for two minutes while *I go and do something extremely important*.
 EG: lay down. Scroll through Instagram feed. Sit on the toilet longer than I need to etc etc etc

You already have a mental list made out of all the things you'd do differently if baby no:2 ever comes along.

Your first thought when the sun comes out isn't sandals, cocktails and Al Fresco dining in the garden. it's 'QUICK, get the washing on the line!'. Is there anything more aesthetically

Yep. It's true. Your bin really does go out more than you do.

...But secretly you'll not even mind your cosy weekends in wearing pjammas,with a glass of wine and family size bag of crisps,

You take mental note of everything. My 'turn' to change the dirty nappy? I think you'll find that I was chief nappy changer yesterday at precisely 8.38pm. Get to it!

You feel stupid walking anywhere without your pram/buggy, honestly what are you meant to do with your arms?

A shower when baby is at the Grandparents could rival an afternoon at the Spa.

You call each other 'Mummy' and 'Daddy' so much it's strange hearing your partner calling you by your 'real' name.

Your little one has more money in their savings/money box than you do.

Your baby is peacefully in the land of nod upstairs, yet you're downstairs whispering to each other, approximately fifteen minutes will go by before one of you will realise 

'What are we whispering for?'

You'd rather be a human shield against vomit, pee and food than have to clean it off your carpet, sofa or duvet sheets.

You feel guilty for getting your other half to mind the baby while you do normal human things like shower and go to the toilet. Why am I apologising for needing to pee?!

You can't name any of the songs in the current top 10, but can sing all the theme tunes to your little one's favourite shows. They'll circulate around in your head all day, everyday.

"My name is Mr Bloom and i'd like to come and see you soon..."

You have random items of clothing scattered in every room of the house on every surface, from the kitchen table to the bathroom floor.

Baby events are as equally exciting as a sale in Topshop.

You know fine rightly it's never a good idea to use Google to self diagnose, but you do anyway and are highly aware you'd look like a hypochondriac psycho mum if anyone had access to your account.

You're watching your money, pay day isn't even in the horizon yet but you still can't leave a baby section without purchasing something. 

You can sleep on any surface, anywhere, at any time of the day. 

Your bed, the floor, standing.

Your little one eats like a Queen/King while you eat food straight from the packet. Who needs a plate anyway? Dishes = extra washing!

Little one is fast asleep, yet you're too tired to lift the remote and turn off the baby channels, but you don't even mind- you're getting to sit!

You feel every single emotion during the course of the day.

You honestly wouldn't change anything.




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