Monday, 9 March 2015

Confessions Of A New Mum!


You lose 'friends' and wonder why you didn't do it sooner: The ones that didn't offer as much as a 'congratulations' when I announced I was pregnant. Others who didn't want to know me when  I couldn't drink and refused to waddle around bars knocking over pints and blocking the view of the tv with my newly enlarged pregnant ass that could have put Kim Kardashian's to shame.
 People often forget just how lonely and isolating pregnancy can be, especially if you're the first in your friendship circle to recreate. Well of course you'd rather be curled up on the sofa wearing your partner's hoodie caressing a share sized bag of pickled onion monster munch, but who doesn't like an invite??
It's always nice to be asked.

You win some you lose some: On the other hand, I have gained so many friendships since being pregnant/becoming a mum. We're all going through the same things, highs and lows. It's been so lovely to have a great support network whether it's in person, a comment on an Instagram post or an inbox on Facebook. When I see  fellow mums on Whatsapp at 3am, I laugh, its so reassuring to know I'm not the only one awake when it seems like the rest of the population are fast asleep.
I've been given so many tips and tricks from people who have been there and done that and it's genuinely made the last five months so much easier .There's girls who i'd pass every day in the school corridors, but never spoke to until now that I wish i'd gotten to know a lot sooner.
Life is bizarre.

Every shop I go into, i'm reeled in by the baby section:  When we visit Tesco's for the weekly food shop, I find myself magnetically drawn to the baby aisle.
Dummies on offer you say? I must pick up some to go along with the other four in the house,
Sure whats one more, especially when they're on offer!?
We'll get home and i'll inspect the receipt with sheer disgust, ready to jump back in the car and demand my refund from the cashier, who quite obviously over charged me by at least £20!
Only to remember those fluffy pjammas I picked up on the way in, and those cute mice shoes (which are as useful as a silent alarm clock, as she hasn't quite mastered the art of keeping her socks on) , and yep, those dummies that we needed so badly.......

I'm now a morning person against my will: 7am and we're up, there's no negotiation on the matter. No amount of stroking her cheek with her favourite blanket, singing Twinkle Twinkle on repeat, playing lullabies on my sleepy sounds app will lull her back to sleep. She's smarter than that. Stuart puts Eva into bed with me every morning before he leaves for work and I endure hair pulling and nose grabbing. I'll not lie though, it is my favourite time in the day when she's all sleepy and smiley.

Things affect  me more emotionally: Watching the 6 O'clock news can reduce me to tears. Famine, disease, missing people, warzones..
not that I was an emotionless ice queen before becoming a parent, (tv ads in the past have had me reaching for the Kleenex) but now  I see things from a mum's perspective, feel so much more empathy for people and really picture myself in their shoes. It's safe to say watching The Pride Of Britain Awards/Children In Need/Comic Relief, like last year is a no go.

I may not be in love with my body, but I respect it now more than ever before: I managed to go through 40 weeks of pregnancy without a stretch mark on my stomach. At 41 weeks, almost overnight  I earned my tiger stripes.
My chest went from non existent to comically big to somewhere in between and I can't see myself ever squeezing into a size 8 again (though I refuse to part with my size 8 bodycon skirt, just in case) but WOW. My body grew and gave birth to a baby, a little human. I look at Eva now and can't quite believe she was the little squirmy one that used to give me a good boot in the ribs when I was trying to sleep, the one that refused to move when I was showing somebody or videoing on my phone.
I had always feared labour and childbirth but it's amazing how your body just instinctively knows what to do. My jeans don't button as easily as they used to (i'm in mourning over the loss of my stretchy, elasticated maternity jeans) but I have a lovely little girl who i'd choose over a flat tummy any day.

It's quite OK to be eating lunch before 10am... I think: I've been up since well before 5am, It's perfectly ok to be snacking on chicken salad sandwiches and crisps. I don't care if Good Morning Britain hasn't even finished, I'm starving. 
The romance isn't dead: When Stuart and I started 'dating' I would browsing the rails in Topshop/Riverisland the morning of a date for a new outfit. I'd spend the afternoon in the bath, and spent hours preening myself. My mum used to laugh and question "What are you going to do if you ever live with the man?!"
The poor man got more than he bargained for.. mismatched sweats, messy buns a lack of makeup. ( ok so not all the time, but definitely after 7pm) These days romantic to me, is when he see's i'm struggling and tells me to go for a bath to unwind, when he makes the dinner and cleans the dishes *stacks the dishwasher, when he kisses Eva and I on the head every single morning before leaving for work and will always text us in the afternoon to ask how our day is going. The romance isn't dead, it has  just taken on a different meaning.

I appreciate my mum now, more than ever: It's only now that I understand why she wouldn't let me wear my new Tammy Girl halter neck at the primary four sportsday, why she didn't want me hanging around the park after midnight at fourteen and insisted on staying awake until I got home. I understand why she had time limits set on the internet so that I actually got at least a bit of homework done in the evenings. hated me drinking, especially when I was notorious for losing bankcards and house keys and phones.
I used to think she was a perpetual pain the backside, but now I realise all these things were done out of nothing other than love.
I dread the first time Eva has a hormone fueled shouting match with me, as I know my mum will be close by with a smug smirk on her face, one that will scream 'I told you so'
She is my biggest supporter and I couldn't have coped the last few months without her by my side. I love you so much, even if you do have my 5 month year old baby watching Create and Craft in your company.
























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2 comments

  1. I love the morning person against my will! I thought after a year of early starts I'd be raring to go at dawn. SPOILER: I'm not :(

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    1. Ohh no! don't be telling me that. I'm gradually getting used to my 7am starts but I have a face like thunder watching cbeebies until at least 9.30am! xxx

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