Sunday, 15 March 2015

A Post For My Own Mum On Mother's Day

It was just a couple of weeks into motherhood when it hit me like an unexpected slap around the face.
It was after night upon night of interrupted sleep, waking up in the middle of the night still thinking I was holding Eva when she was actually safely tucked up in her moses basket beside me. I was so exhausted, it felt like the hangover from hell, without even as much as drink passing my lips.
It was the moment I realised just how much you mean to me. 
In that moment I could have literally sat up all night and cried my eyes out for all the times i'd uttered the words 'I hate you,' sometimes worse. The nights we went to sleep on bad terms, or the ones I didn't even come home at all.

You are the only one who has seen me at my very worst, the one that gets the extremes of my moods, the very best and the worst. The soft spoken calming one who resolves problems without even as much as raising your voice, the one that constantly gives and gives and keeps giving, and never asks for thanks in return.

Happy Mother's Day. Here's a little post to share a few little memories, things I love about you, and why i'm so glad that you're my mum.

-I've always admired the fact that you were a single mum and had two little ones to raise on your own in a different country than your family, but I appreciate it even more so now.

There are times I struggle with motherhood with one baby, and I have family surrounded all around me that I could land on their doorstep in minutes if I needed to.
To have two babies under two and raise them on your own? That is so daunting for me to even think about, i'm sure there's people have won Pride Of Britain Awards for less...
As much as it must have been physically and emotionally draining, I hope it was extremely rewarding.
You should be proud, we didn't turn out too badly.

-It's only taken two and a half decades but i've finally earned the rights to your makeup drawer.Why it took so long, I'll never know? (Perhaps it was your makeup brushes that mysteriously kept wandering? Or the Clinque eyeshadows that were never shut closed properly.......) Either way, i'm glad you've finally seen sense.

- It's a cert that in just a few years time my daughter will be coming home to me with an armful of homemade crafts. Pages dripping with PVA and glitter, pipe cleaners and pom poms. You joke about taking Eva up to see your craft room, and there's no part of me that thinks this is a joke, it's a ticking time bomb waiting to happen.

-You came home early from work the morning I went into labour and insisted on cleaning my fireplace while I was contracting. Every four minutes you were subjected to hearing every profanity known to man and you told me to watch my language (which went down like a lead balloon) but your reactions were absolutely priceless.

It brings me back to the time you drove me to A&E when I thought I had an appendicitis. I was hysterical, crying and swearing with every wave of pain, so much so you began to shout at me. It turned into a massive fight "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!"
There's a massive part of me that thinks in that moment you wanted to stop the car and tell me to get out and 'walk there yourself' but your motherly instinct kicked in and brought me there in the off chance that there was actually something wrong.

-I love watching Eva's reaction when she see's you, which is why i'll always carry her up to the window when I see you getting out of your car. She is most definitely Nana's girl, her little eyes light up when she catches a glimpse of you. Even at 8pm when she's meant to be sleeping and you go up to give her a good night cuddle which results in her turning into a little ball of energy. (Cheers for that) it only meant we had to sit a further hour and a half to soothe her into a sleepy state again, but at least you got your goodnight cuddle, eh?

-You have such a calm nature about you, which I definitely didn't inherit. After telling you all about my rough day were everything went wrong and nothing seemed to go right you replied with 'Did anyone die?'

- However I did inherit the awkward side of you. Eva's five months now and there's times we'll be standing in the car park of Marks and Spencers or the town and the pair of us will take a temporary memory lapse and won't have a clue how to put the pram down. What is that about?!

Thank you for making me laugh, for putting a smile on my face when i'm down. For being so unintentionally entertaining. Thank you for being so patient with me and being my biggest supporter no matter what it is i'm doing. For being a fantastic Nana and showering my little one with love. For buying me cookies in your weekly shop, despite the fact i'm twenty three. For always being there when I need you or not.

I love you.


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