Sunday, 25 January 2015

Things Ive learnt about pregnancy: part 1


Your social circle will change:
Especially if you're the first in your group to reproduce.

No one is to blame, it's just the way things go. You can't expect them to fully understand or appreciate your little triumphs such as your baby sleeping the entire night through, or cutting their first teeth. Just like you lose interest half way through them telling you about last Saturday nights antics. 
Oh, you had two bottles of wine before you left the house?, tell me more....
Let's be honest, you were probably asleep long before their taxi even arrived at their house to take them out. Your day is most likely starting just as they're getting tucked up in bed.

It's the little things that money can't buy that you appreciate so much more: The things you didn't think twice about pre-baby.

Like a long undisturbed soak in the bath. Having smudge free nails. Being able to jump in the car and go somewhere last minute without having to worry if said outing is going to conflict with little ones next feed/nap time.
In fact, there's no such thing as a last minute outing when there's a baby involved.
Even a trip to Tesco involves packing the car up so much so, your neighbours probably think you're headed away for the weekend.

You'll pick their nose, wipe their bum, clean vomit off your shoulder, wipe saliva with your sleeve : And not even think twice about it. If it were anyone other than your own child you would be utterly repulsed. 

The same goes for your hair being pulled (how can something so small have such a strong grasp?) and lets not forget being clawed in the face with those little razor sharp nails which are a two man job to cut.
There is no one on this earth other than your baby who could get away with these acts of violence towards you. No one.

You'll have the most ridiculous fights with your partner: Over nothing. Literally nothing.

You are both exhausted during those first few weeks, every emotion is intensified, your hormones are still raging and then throw a fussy baby into the mix.
Sixteen weeks on, fights are less frequent but just as ridiculous. Quite often i'll back track mid fight and completely forget what it was over.In this case i'll always go back to the ol' trusty- the simple, yet effective,  "It's not what you said, it's the way you said it"

You will defend stay at home mums to the death: I have a confession.When I used to read 'full time mummy'on people's Facebook, it made me cringe. 

Oh get a real job..
How naive was I?
The only people who will ever think that will be people without children of their own, ones that get uninterrupted sleep, leave work bang on 5pm, the ones who don't have vomit stains on their jeans, who get to eat their dinner when it's still warm.
It's no picnic. It's both sunshine and showers. It's constant.

There's times my partner will come home from work and ask curiously, " so what have yous done all day?"

Oh, nothing much,
Just fed, changed and bathed baby. Made a cup of tea, abandoned said cup of tea as baby was sick. Changed baby, put on a wash, did the dishes, sterilised bottles... time for another feed and change leaving less than twenty minutes for me to get washed, dressed and makeup on before little one woke from her powernap. A quick tidy of the house, took the washing out of the machine, hung it out, changed a dirty nappy, wrestled with a fussy little one to put on her pramsuit, a lap of the park before coming home to another feed and i've just spent the last 45 minutes singing the wheels on the bus on repeat whilst making the dinner with one hand as we're now refusing to sit in our swing chair. Enough about me, how was your day?

Every week brings different milestones: The first smile (that glorious gummy smile), the first belly laugh. The ridiculous little daily changes that other people won't pick up on- the first time Eva grabbed her toy ball with both hands- I was bursting with pride- I'm undoubtedly going to be that emotionally unhinged mum being led out of the classroom on her first day of school.

Those cuddles: You know the ones. Long after the night feed is finished, but you don't want to put them back in their cot,not just yet. They're drunk on milk and it's ridiculously cute. You could stare at your little love for hours. These are the quiet times you realize every hardship of being a parent is so ridiculously worth it. Even the vomit stained jeans, plastering  your under-eye bags with concealer so you don't resemble Uncle Fester.. those 3am feeds were you can't remember if you've put in seven or eight scoops of formula (D'oh) and the days you intend to be out the front door for nine am but you haven't managed to get downstairs until after ten never mind out the door.

Baby parking: Hallelujah for baby parking. No longer will we have to spend twenty minutes searching for a parking space. No more getting drenched walking from the car to the front of the Tescos. I've become quite the parking police, inspecting every car in the parent parking to ensure they do in fact have babies. Next I fear i'll turn into one of those people, the kind that won't split the group bill equally because 'I didn't eat any of the rice..'

You understand why people are so nice to you during your pregnancy: 'Poor naive critter' they're probably thinking as you tell them how swimmingly pregnancy is going for you. 'HA! you're sleeping now are you?.. well you may sleep as much as you can now! you'll not know sleep when baby arrives'

As much as I hated that sentence, with a passion. I get a teeny bit of sly satisfaction when I see a status, a day after someone has given birth "He sleeps soooo well!" -
I give it a week.

Until part 2...




  1. Not filling me with confidence here!! Ahh!!

  2. All good fun! The highs outweigh the lows 👌👶I wouldn't change it


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