Tuesday, 13 January 2015

   Before I was pregnant, even inhaling  Gaviscon was enough to make me heave. Months down the line, i've gone through countless bottles of the stuff and have built up quite an impressive collection (with a vast array of strengths and flavours.)
I mastered the art of necking it in the dead of  night as though it were a bottle of my beloved Jack Daniel's. I did away with a spoon by week 35, who has the time for that caper when you have what feels like battery acid ascending up your gullet at an alarming rate? Nobody!

One thing I learnt whilst pregnant is that everyone becomes an expert, everyone and their Great Aunt have something to say, their own pearls of wisdom. While many of it was useful advice, it was utterly exhausting!I've had to endure countless horror stories- tales of labour that has went on for days, emergency deliveries gone wrong.

It was pointed out that my bump was 'extremely small' and 'Wow, you're really big for *insert how many week's pregnant* all on the very same day. I was told off for stretching up to the top shelves in work, or for bending down to lift things at my feet, yet others have laughed saying "Awk, I was exercising until I went into labour.." "...there's people who run marathons pregnant!' You really can't win either way and there will always be someone with a different opinion, or to tell you you should be doing it this way.

Rest assured as you're waiting to go into your fortnightly midwife appointment you'll more than likely come across at least one other woman sat with her green folder in the exact same outfit. (And I guarantee it will be stripey!) There is a pure lack of selection on the high street, that is unless you are in the market for 'humourous' slogan tops 'Hands off the bump- Oh please.

I give my other half credit for having to deal with a hormone-fuelled montrosity of a breakdown. In New Look of all places.  "I have NOTHING to wear!" "NOTHING fits!" Once the tears started, there was no stopping them. I was quickly escorted to the car with a sympathetic hand on my shoulder.

Talking of the other half, the poor man endured interrogation on the daily. "Do I look pregnant, or just fat?" "...Yes but how many months would you think?" Or upon passing a fellow pregnant woman in the street "Is she bigger than me?"

Another thing I didn't realise is just how emotional I could be, everything on tv had me welling up. I infamously gurned over a woman winning a competition on Ant and Dec's Saturday night Takeaway- Pull yourself together woman! 
It's safe to say watching Comic Relief/Children In Need was completely out of the question last year.

One of the most useless (and by week 37- the most infuriating) phrases you will undoubtedly hear (from everyone... friends, family, the cashier at Tesco....) is

"Get as much sleep as you can now, you'll have none once baby is here"
It would be great if it worked that way, if you could save up all the sleep you've had the last 9 months and be bursting with energy upon baby's arrival. Cruelly Mother Nature has made it that us women are at our most uncomfortable, vulnerable, emotional, exhausted, self conscious (Need I carry on?) time in our lives by the time our precious bundles of joy are ready to make an appearance. No matter how many hours of sleep you've clocked up pre-baby, nothing can prepare you for those first few weeks of routineless nights. You will laugh in the face of any childless person who claims they are an insomniac.

Alternatively, what these people  should be telling you is, stay in bed until 3pm if you've nowhere else to be. Allow your fingers to get wrinkly in a two hour bath. Enjoy having the time to allow your nails to dry. If the most productive thing you've done all day is prepare yourself a snack- more power to you! This is one of the very rare times in your life you can do it guilt free.

So that concludes part one of things I didn't know about pregnancy, until I was pregnant. In my next post  i'll cover more home truths of pregnancy, talking about cravings (Crisps and gravy- what?) Those 3am treks to the bathroom and relying on the other half to help you up on to your feet (and put on your shoes...) And all those other glamourous things that come along with being a creator of life. Until then, Thanks for reading!


1 comment

  1. Just brilliant! I don't think I've ever seen a first post so eloquently written! So many first time mums will relate to this Sarah, and your witty way of saying it will have such a huge appeal, i have no doubt at all! I'm so excited to see where this takes you. Welcome to blogland! Xx


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